Hell Incarnate
by TheChristmasSerialMurders
Summary: The Doctor is busy fiddling around the TARDIS console, when he decides he wants to listen to some Earth music, on a good old fashioned radio... Soon afterwards he wishes he hadn't even thought of the idea in the first place. Do not suggest that Beliebers,
1. Chapter 1 - Listening To The Radio

HELL INCARNATE

**_A.N - Sorry, guys if you follow me... none of my other fics are doing very well. I am going to try and be a good updater this year, but life gets in the way... -_-_**

**_Anyway, this story came to me at four-o-clock in the morning and wouldn't let me go... _**

**_Thank you to the AWESOME Feagalad, who, without her help, this wouldn't even be written on silly little pieces of paper. Thank you for being my BETA and for the encouragement. You truly are an angel to me, Sweetie. _**

**_And to all the readers out there, who will, hopefully, review. All of your criticism is much appreciated._**

**_But if you are a Justin Bieber, One Direction or Michael Jackson fan and you read this and are offended... Dont say I didn't warn you! _**

**_Disclaimer : I do not own any of this... Sometimes even wonder if I own my own head..._**

The Doctor was at the TARDIS Console, fiddling around and finding new things to use in his never ending (and often alarming) attempts to creatively fly her. Even though he had flown her for over 900 years he was still finding out new things from her every whir and wheeze each and every day. He still refused to use the 'blue boring-ers', though... especially since River had specifically pointed them out. Amy was in her room sleeping, as it was still early in the morning (or as close as life in the Vortex could get to sunrise and sunset). The Doctor, getting tired of only hearing the sound of his muttering and the quiet humming of the TARDIS, decided to turn on the radio and see if he could pick up some broadcasts from Earth (Pooshien pop was _so_ tedious!).

After spending over half an hour trying to find the damn thing, he finally located the little silver box with the aerial sticking out of it. He switched it on and at first he only got static, but after pointing his green tipped Sonic Screwdriver at it (_so _much cooler than that beat-up blue thing he used to carry), and after a few moments of soft buzzing a loud burst of bass came through the speakers. 'Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!' he hissed at it, and fumbled for the volume dial. He found it and turned it down to a volume any ears could handle - Time Lord or otherwise - and glanced nervously down the corridor, in the direction of Amy's room. She did NOT like to be woken up early and the last thing he needed was a grumpy Amy!

After looking down the softly lit corridor for a few endless moments, with no sign of a certain Scottish redhead, he turned back to the radio. The loud song with the bass beat had just finished and the chipper sounding radio announcer said it was performed by a 'boyband' called 'One Direction', whoever the hell they were. They were going in only one direction, in the Doctor's humble opinion: down the toilet!

After the announcer introduced himself as 'Alex J' - what kind of a name was THAT? - he introduced another song. Something titled 'Baby' sung by someone called Justin Bieber (who the hell names their kid after a brand of baby food?). After dedicating the song _'to all you Beliebers out there'_ the song started. Ten seconds later, The Doctor wished it hadn't.

The Doctor grimaced as the first few lines of the song squeaked tinnily out of the speakers. He figured it wasn't the best, but it wasn't SO bad … certainly better than listening to Sexy's snores just now. Then the first chorus was playing and he was wincing. By the time the second chorus came around he had his fingers in his ears and was groaning. For some reason _'Baby baby baby NOOOOOOOOO!'_ was putting his space-teeth on edge. Eventually it got so bad he Sonic'd the radio. Except... it wouldn't turn off. He tried again with the same results. Eventually he got up off his knees (where he had fallen in agony) and tried to turn it off manually (still trying to keep his ears blocked, one finger in his right ear and the left on his left shoulder) The stupid thing still wouldn't shut up!

The wailing stopped, but only because the song had ended. The infernal machine didn't shut off though. The song had apparently been during an 'add free thirty' which seemed to mean thirty minutes of torture with no breaks. He didn't think he could handle another thirty seconds, let alone another half an hour! The Doctor was getting desperate now, and rescanned the radio to make sure there wasn't a third party mucking around with his technology. He held the Screwdriver up to his eyes and read the reading. There was, in fact, a third party! How they got past the TARDIS' security he had no idea. Now having something else to focus on he managed to block the infernal racket from behind him. (Something called 'Thriller' by a bloke called 'Michael Jackson') The Doctor though, had, however, been subconsciously listening to the radio, and now his eyes widened. He stuck the Screwdriver in the scanner on the console, and ran around to the radio, leaning down to the speaker, and listening intently to the singer. Good Gallifrey! Was he singing about Weeping Angels?!

There came a beeping from behind the Doctor, confirming that the TARDIS had completed the scanning of his screwdriver. He ignored it, still directing his all of concentration to the noisy little box. That was until, suddenly, there was rather loud static pouring out of the speakers.

'No! NOOO!' he yelled clenching his fists and spinning on the spot in agitation. 'Why? WHY?' he stormed. 'That was important! I was actually listening to this you know!' he said and turned away from the radio.

He stalked over to the couch and threw himself into it. The radio, having taken no notice of the outburst, started flipping through channels as if it was looking for something. He heard snippets of songs and chatter in different languages, but mostly just static. Then there was music bursting through the speakers for longer than a millisecond. He instantly recognized it as the same Justin Bieber song as before. It was still in the lyrics stage, but he knew he only had about thirty seconds before it hit the chorus and he had to stuff his fingers in his ears. Suddenly remembering he had a scanned screwdriver to read he got up off the couch and sprinted the short distance to it. Reading the Gallifreyan text as fast as he did English, he quickly realized that it was the TARDIS herself who was interfering with the signal!

Confused as hell he froze and stared at the console rereading the text, sure he had read wrong. No, he had, unfortunately, read it correctly. 'Why old girl? Why?' he murmured, stroking the part of the console that was closest to his hand and not covered with various bits and pieces. 'Are you trying to tell me something, or are you just playing a game and are trying to torture m-'

The sentence ended with a painful squawk when he realized the thirty seconds were up and the chorus had begun to blare squeakily out of the speakers. Stuffing both fingers in his ears - further in than he thought humanely (or Time Lordily) possible - after trying fruitlessly to turn the radio off again, he realized he wouldn't be able to hear it in another room.

He spun on his booted heels and took off running up the short flight of stairs, taking two at a time, and turned up the left corridor, tweed jacket flying out behind him. Finally out of earshot from the blasted radio and in some blessed silence he leaned against the wall and put his head back, pushing his floppy hair out of his eyes in relief.

He was trying to get his breath back when he first heard it. First softly and then louder and louder it rang out. Sexy had broadcast the signal to play (more like blare) out of the TARDIS' internal speakers! His first thought was 'The TARDIS has internal speakers?!' His second thought went very much along the lines of 'AAAARGH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!'

Realizing he needed to move, to run, to get the hell AWAY, he sprinted down the rest of the corridor, deciding to head for the library (He'd go for the pool but it still hadn't turned up yet!) as it was always quiet there. Besides, he thought, what idiot would put speakers in a library anyway?

Turns out the idiot was him. Somewhere during his previous incarnation he had decided to install speakers in there to pipe in some Gallifreyan Classics while he was reading his favorite books on those long and lonely nights. Reminiscing aside, he still had a problem. And to add to that problem...

'Doctor! What the HELL?!'

Amy had joined the party. Standing there, dressed in her usual outfit with her hair tumbling down her shoulders in fiery red waves, she did NOT look amused. She had her fingers jammed in her ears and her nose wrinkled in confusion and irritation. But the Doctor didn't respond, his mind was elsewhere. Why would the TARDIS do this to him? Was she really doing it as an act of revenge? Or was it a game? Maybe she was trying to tell him something. But what? WHAT?

'That bloody song is really getting on my nerves!' he thought. Oh...

'OH!' he said out loud, confusing the hell out of poor Amy.

'Oh what? Doctor? Where are we going?' she asked as she followed him down the corridor at a sprint. He didn't answer her as he flew down the stairs and skidded to a halt in front of the console.

'Clever girl! he said. 'Clever Sexy!' He laughed happily and started dancing around the console preparing her for take off.

'Doctor? Where are we going?' Amy repeated, her broad Scottish lilt seeming to calm him somewhat.

'To visit a celebrity' he responded simply, as the TARDIS launched into the space and time vortex.


	2. Chapter 2 - Meanwhile, In The TARDIS

Hell Incarnate, CHAPTER 2 – Meanwhile, In The TARDIS...

**A.N. - *looks up from a huge pile of textbooks* Hello. Remember me? Well, I'm not sure if I even know myself, my head is so buried in studies. Which is why this chapter is so late. Please accept my humblest apologies, and compensation by A NEW CHAPTER! Thanks as always to Feagalad, who, without her continued love and support, this would not even be remotely done. Enjoy!**

**CSM**

**Xxxx**

The TARDIS materialised in the middle of a concert. Thumping bass bounced off the walls, and beams of strobe light danced on every surface, in alternating patterns of bright fluorescent red, blue and green, in an almost hypnotising way.

The noise was horrendously loud. There was a squeaky teenager wearing a white outfit, his hair in a sort of puffy style, like his fringe had been gelled back, performing onstage to thousands upon thousands of fangirls, all who were jumping, screaming and singing along with him. Many of them were holding up boards saying, 'I Heart You JB!' and 'Make me Mrs Bieber!' or fighting each other to get closer to him.

The performer, however, took no notice, and paced up and down the front of the stage, screaming his lungs out into the microphone.

'Ah! We have arrived!' the Doctor exclaimed, and ran, excitedly, over to the door. Amy followed him, but at a slower pace, watching him bemusedly as he reached the door and fumbled excitedly for the silver door handles. She seriously thought he was just a little kid, dressing up in his granddads clothes, and finding amazing new toys, and adventures to play with.

The Doctor yanked the door open and poked his head out the door. A huge blast of sound poured through the open space. He quickly stuffed his fingers in his ears and slammed the door shut with his foot.

'Doctor?' Amy asked hesitantly. The Doctor took his fingers out of his ears, and looked at her.

'We are not walking out of that door for at LEAST another hour.' He said, and walked back over to the console.

Amy, very confused, frowned deeply. 'Doctor? Is there some kind of very loud monster out there that is stopping the TARDIS from dematerialising, and we are now stuck?'

'No, Amy. There is a monster out there, but he is in no way dangerous. Except, perhaps, for the preservation of our ears.'

'What the hell are you babbling on about, Doctor?'Amy asked, thoroughly puzzled now.

'Amy, I am talking about the squeaky teenager who has managed to brainwash almost every pre- and early teen- aged girl into loving him to death. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was an alien!'

Now, the Doctor understood loving something so much, you see it all around you, all the time. Always referencing it, and expecting everyone around you to understand. He was exactly the same with bananas, bowties, and new things. But going as far as pretty much sacrificing yourself for something (or someone) who isn't really aware you are there, didn't make much sense to him.

Amy, still confused, glared at him.

'What?' the Doctor asked, raising his eyebrows at her anger.

'Explain. Now.' She said in her barely-controlled-anger Scottish voice.

'Okay, then!' he said cheerfully. 'It all started when I was feeling a little lonely earlier...' He explained feeling bored and a little lonely, finding and listening to the radio – a seemingly harmless thing to do, that quickly escalated into a disaster. As he was explaining, understanding slowly dawned on her face, like the sun rising.

Once he had finished, Amy asked: 'What next?'

'Like I said.' The Doctor replied. 'We don't leave here for at least another hour. After that we have a little chat.'

Waiting for another hour, while thousands of screaming people were having the times of their lives outside the royal blue TARDIS doors, seemed like torture to Amy.

The Doctor however, didn't seem to mind. He also didn't seem to notice her sulking on the couch. He was humming an upbeat tune under his breath, pottering around the console, and repeatedly straightening his TARDIS blue bowtie.

Finally Amy had had enough. 'Look, we're in a bloody TIME MACHINE!' she exploded, gesturing around the brightly lit console, and the surrounding platform, as if for emphasis. 'Can't we just skip forward an hour, and see what happens after that?! '

The Doctor looked up from where he was typing on those old, black, typewriter keys, and brushed his floppy hair out of his eyes, seeming to be trying to choose his words carefully. 'Look, I won't get exactly an hour ahead,' he said finally, after an age of sort of starting a sentence and then deciding not to carry on with it. 'I will probably overshoot the mark a bit, and maybe end up years ahead instead of just that one hour. It's safer to just stay here, and wait for time to go by normally. And in the right order.'

She still felt a little confused, and it must have shown on her face because he decided to elaborate. 'Remember I said five minutes to you, when you were small, and only came back twelve years later?' he asked, fully knowing the answer.'

Amy scowled darkly. _'Typical he'd use THAT as an example!' _she thought bitterly.

But the Doctor was still talking. '... it will probably take me longer than an hour to find the end of this hour. Speaking of hours, ours is up.' He once again bounded excitedly over to the door.

Amy, her head still spinning, and still not quite understanding what the Doctor had just rattled off, stayed in the comfort and safety of her couch, not bothering to get up, sure it was going to be another false alarm.


End file.
